I Can’t Find A Job

Overeducated, under experienced, and unemployed

Archive for the ‘Hell’ Category

You Have To Be A Fool Not To…

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If people’s comments on this blog are any indication (and they are), it’s really rough out there. Really, really rough.

Educated, bright, hard-working, do-everything-right-their-whole-life types are finding themselves out of work. Some for different reasons than others.

Some might be “too smart.”

Some might not have experience (employers love that word, don’t they?).

Some might be overqualified or have “too much” experience.

Others might live in areas that are even more economically depressed than other areas of the country and job prospects are nill.

Regardless, you are still making purchases.

You still have to replace things that broke in your home from Lowe’s or The Home Depot.

You still have to buy dress pants or a suit (because your current suit pants that you have split when you sat down for your job interview).

You still try and buy people birthday gifts, baby shower gifts, etc. from Target, the Home Shopping Network, QVC, Babies R US, Nordstrom, etc.

If you’re lucky, you might even book a vacation through Orbitz, Hotels.com, The Holiday Inn, etc.

During tough times, it makes sense to SAVE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, right?

Well, I have GREAT news.

There is a way to save money by making purchases at your favorite online stores.

Best Buy, Barnes and Noble, Sears, Disney, Avon, Walmart, Pro Flowers, Sony, Netflix, or whatever store you fancy — you can save money!

How? Through Ebates! All you do is create a FREE and SIMPLE account through Ebates and viola, you’re done!

You find your favorite store on the Ebates site, click a link, and you appear right on your favorite store’s website.

The best part? You can earn from 2-20% back on each purchase for simply doing nothing! You get money back just for clicking a link through Ebates and going to your favorite store’s website.

Don’t be stupid. Save where you can. You have to check this out.


P.S. Between my fiance and I, we got checks back for well over $300 in less than a year for simply using Ebates for everyday online orders. That’s $300 more in your pocket for NOTHING!


Written by icantfindajob

July 28, 2011 at 12:09 pm

Old Bag Marries Stupid, Really Young Girl

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weddingFor all you old bags out there that have yet to marry and regularly have cat dress up night with your baker’s dozen of cats, there’s still hope! In what is one of the strangest bits of news to come across my eyes, a 112-year-old Somali man married a 17 year old girl! Hugh Hefner has nothing on this leathery dinosaur!

According to London’s Telegraph, a crowd of hundreds attended the wedding between Ahmed Muhamed Dore and Safia Abdulleh in Guriceel, Somalia. Ahmed was quoted as saying, “Today God helped me realize my dream.”

Ahmed and his “lucky” bride are from the same village and said that he waited for her to grow up before proposing (weird). He said: “I didn’t force her, but used my experience to convince her of my love, and then we agreed to marry.” Even weirder.

The bride’s family said she’s happy with her new husband. In this writer’s opinion, she’s probably happy only because her family got a chicken and a bag of rice in exchange for, well, their own damn daughter.

He already has 18 children by his other five wives.

P.S. Would this even be legal in some US states?

Written by icantfindajob

November 11, 2009 at 7:39 pm

Posted in Hell, News

Can’t Find A Job? How About Executioner?

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executionerIf you’re one of the many Americans looking for work in run-of-the-mill fields like accounting, manufacturing, and the like, you might want to consider another field. How about executioner (sort of)? In what would be the first arrangement of its kind, officials are thinking about privatizing one of Arizona’s most secure and dangerous prisons, included of which is the prison’s death row. These death row inmates – those sentenced to death for the most heinous of crimes –would have their executions carried out by the state, though day to day life for those on death row would be managed by the private company. No private company has ever run a prison that housed those sentenced to death. Notorious for their violence and lack of deference, death row inmates pose special challenges that many feel private prison contractors would have a hard time dealing with. The privatization is expected to save the state of Arizona $100 million dollars.

Would you be up for the job of guarding some of America’s most dangerous and hardened criminals for less than you would make if you worked for the state? You can make good money working for the state as a corrections officer but private companies often pay relatively poorly compared to state guards. Thoughts?

Written by icantfindajob

October 26, 2009 at 4:23 pm

Posted in Hell, News, Random

My Eventful Month Part II

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champagneI was driving back from lunch one day and anticipating working another 4 hours in retail hell before my day was over when I received a call from a very nice lady in a human resources department from a company I had applied with. A smile immediately came to my face and for a second, I forgot about the idiots and morons I would have to deal with when I arrived back at work. After asking a few questions and explaining the job to me, she scheduled an interview the following day.

The interview went well and after the person I interviewed with and the HR lady spoke in private, I was offered a position pending everything else checked out – education verification, criminal record check, etc. Not wanting to sound the desperate job seeker that I actually am, I told them I’d get back to them later in the day. When I did, I obviously said yes and accepted the offer.

Although the position is far from glamorous, it’s a start in my field. And I don’t mean far from glamorous in the delusional-recent-college-grad-job-seeker way (i.e. no corner office with a secretary, a signing bonus of $100,000, a complimentary gold watch, and a driver to pick me up in the morning with a golf tee scheduled everyday at noon). But hey, it’s better than retail and at least it’ll give me the ever-desired experience that my resume desperately needs.

So, without further to say, I GOT A JOB!!!!!

(P.S. Don’t worry, I’ll still be the same grumpy, negative bastard you’ve grown to love. Instead of bitching about not being able to find a job, I’ll bitch about others not being able to find a job, the economy, labor-related issues, and other garbage I feel valuable enough to post on my blog.)

Written by icantfindajob

August 25, 2009 at 9:53 am

Posted in Hell, Interviews, Random

We’re All Screwed

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swineThe good news is that I no longer have to look for a job! The bad news is that I didn’t find a job but stopped due to the abrupt introduction of swine flu in the American germ sphere. I remember years ago when the news touted avian or swine (pig) influenza as the next health pandemic and apparently, it is here.

MSNBC reports that the swine flu has sickened over 1,000 in Mexico and killed 68. California, Kansas, Texas, and New York City have all reported cases of apparent swine virus.

I don’t like this one bit. If you see some freak wearing an oxygen tank, a hazmat suit, and medical-grade rubber gloves, feel free to say hello. It’s probably me. Just keep your distance!

Written by icantfindajob

April 25, 2009 at 6:01 pm

Posted in Hell, News

Retail Hell: Customers

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Wild ManIf you’ve read my blog for any length of time or followed me on Twitter, you would know that I work part-time in retail as I search for a career. I’ve been working in retail ever since high school and let me tell you that it is one of the worst jobs imaginable. I’ve been meaning to delve into this gloomy side of my life and I’d like to talk about one of the worst aspects of the job: customers.

Customers are responsible for sales help, cashiers, and others being employed in retail but many retail employees wish they never had to talk to a customer. Although 80% of the people that come into a store are normal, know how to act, are respectful, and medicated as recommended by their psychiatrist, the other 20% are not. They are rude, inconsiderate, completely bonkers, make outrageous demands, and are generally despicable wastes of life. You might be saying that 20% isn’t a lot but when you take into account the average big-box retailer averages 1-4 thousand customers a day, 20% becomes hundreds of out-of-control, poorly medicated psychopaths that desire to make retail sales help’s lives a living hell. Here’s just a tidbit of what I have to deal with on any given day at lovely work:

Butting In
I’ll be helping and talking with a customer when some maniac charges towards us and jumps into the conversation to ask his or her question without waiting. Inevitably, this pisses the customer I’m talking with off and the two exchange unpleasantries. One time, two customers got so mad at each other they went outside to fight. I have no idea if they did as I welcomed their absence and went to take a break in the back of the store. When customers ask a question when I’m clearly engaged in conversation with another customer, I now ignore them.

Not Knowing What They Want & Expecting Me to Know
Quite frequently a customer will attempt to tell me what they want or describe to me what their looking for but they don’t provide any information that could actually help me identify what their looking for. They use phrases like, “You know, that thing!” or “There’s this thing I saw on TV that um, you know…um, it’s on that commercial.” Somehow they expect me to respond with, “OH YEAH! That’s thing has been flying out of here like crazy. I know exactly what you’re talking about! Here you go!” I will now respond with a standard line for all situations where a customer fails to provide me with any useful information when asking a question: “You must be looking for Sham-Wow!”

People That Stop Taking Their Medication
These people come into the store, have a slight attitude to start with, and the slightest thing sets them off causing them to freak out and storm out of the store.

“Sorry sir, we don’t have the item you’re looking for.”
“@*(#&@*(#& Damn this f****** store you can all go to hell; this place sucks…I’m never shopping here again!!&*&@#”

“How do you use this product?”
“I don’t know sir, I’m not familiar, but I’ll look at the directions with you.”
“I don’t want the directions, I want to know about the product.” *Throws product to ground and storms out of the store.*

These people walk into the store and act like everybody in the store is a lowly servant whose only job is to service their any need. Some people go so far as to demand that their carts are pushed around the store for them. Others dictate clear reminders to the sales help as to what their job is – “Your job is to help me! I pay your check!” They often demand that you follow them around the store and place all items in their cart (even really small ones).

All the above are reasons I need to find a job!

Written by icantfindajob

March 28, 2009 at 11:49 am

Posted in Hell

“What can you do?”

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facetofaceA few weeks ago I was at a professional organization’s meeting of which I am a member. The organization consists of local chapters that hold regular meetings to network and share knowledge.

One of the people in attendance worked for a company I applied with two weeks prior. I took note and went up to the guy after the meeting concluded for a face-to-face chat.

“Hi, I understand you’re with (name of company),” I say with a big smile.

“Yes, hi.”

“Pleasure to meet you. I applied for (position) with (name of company) a couple of weeks ago and haven’t heard anything back. Would you know about that position or any other opportunities with the company?”

“I don’t know about that position. They were probably looking for someone with experience in that field,” he says.

“Oh, well, would you know of any other positions available with the company…perhaps in your (related) department?” I ask.

“What are your skills? What can you do?” the man replies back.

Slightly perturbed, I answer, “I just graduated from (name of college) with a master’s degree in (major). All my experience is academic as I just graduated.”

“Okay, but what is your experience? What have you done? What can you do?” the man torts again.

With ever-increasing blood pressure, I respond, “I just finished grad school and haven’t worked in the field yet. I’m looking to get into it.”

“I see, but what can you do? What job could you do?” the man repeats like an idiot.

Realizing I’m not getting anywhere, I try to politely escape the conversation with this half-brained moron. He drops his interrogation of my skills and offers crappy advice. I walk away as I curse and mutter vulgarities under my breath.

I hope I don’t come across as conceited but I earned a master’s degree. Unless you’re getting a technical degree, you don’t learn any on-the-job skills or training in academic degrees. However, what earning the degree delineates is that you’re capable and competent. You have the ability to absorb information and complete tasks. You can complete projects on time and show commitment and dedication to see things through. Apparently this idiot didn’t realize that. Seemingly unwilling to teach a job to a youngster, this moron probably prefers some set-in-his-ways jackass that performs the job like a monkey mimics a task. No fresh ideas, no young blood, and no brains.

The job search goes on!

Written by icantfindajob

February 27, 2009 at 7:33 pm

Posted in Hell