I Can’t Find A Job

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Archive for June 2009

Billy Mays Dies

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bmaysTMZ is reporting that famed television pitchman Billy Mays has died.

If you’re an infomercial or direct-marketing junkie like myself (I absolutely love informercials, HSN, QVC, you name it), you’d be highly familiar with the television spokesperson known for his blue shirts, flawless black beard, and screaming-pitch. Mays is most known for being the face of Oxiclean, Orange Glo, Kaboom!, Mighty Putty, and a whole host of other products.

According to the Tampa Bay Police Department, Mays was found dead by his wife Deborah at their Tampa home at 7:45 AM. Mays was just 50 years old.

Notably, Mays had just returned from Philadelphia and was on the plane that blew a tire and suffered a rough landing. After landing, Mays commented to a local Tampa station, “All of a sudden as we hit you know it was just the hardest hit, all the things from the ceiling started dropping. It hit me on the head, but I got a hard head.” Natasha Richardson, anyone? Reportedly Mays didn’t feel well around 10 PM on Saturday night as he was going to bed.

My condolences to his wife and kids.

UPDATE: Reports indicate that Mays suffered from heart disease and his untimely death was as a result of said disease.

SERIOUS NEWS ALERT (AD): If you didn’t hear yet, the first study of it’s kind confirmed a definitive link between cell phones and cancer (just came out on 10/23/09). I recommend using an EMF protector, which attaches to your phone and greatly reduces the harmful radiation (the cancer causing agent of cell phones) your phone emits. You can get one for a little over 10 bucks. Here’s one that I personally recommend: ZEROFON EMF Protector Color Solid Black. Take this one important step for your health so you can live a long life amidst a destroyed global economy, abundent joblessless, and endless foreclosures. I kid, but seriously, it’s worth the investment.

Written by icantfindajob

June 28, 2009 at 6:19 pm

Posted in News

54 is Always Better Than 3

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PH1_TATOE_160609_05The UK’s Daily Mail is reporting a truly bizarre incident in a Belgian town named Courtrai. A young woman entered Rousian Toumaniantz’s tattoo parlor (pictured left) and asked for three small star tattoos on the left side of her face. The young lady, Kimberley Vlaeminck, claims she fell asleep during the procedure and upon awakening, found that the tattoo artist had inked 54 stars all over the left side of her face.

18-year-old Vlaeminck (pictured right) is suing Toumaniantz for about $16,500 US dollars after she paid $90 for “graffiti” that she claims ruined her life. Toumaniantz said she asked for that number of stars and was happy with the end product until her father and boyfriend saw the work. That’s when she apparently threw a fit and claimed Toumaniantz went bonkers on her face.vlaminck

It should be noted that Toumaniantz agreed to pay for half of the laser removal costs under the auspice that he wants to satisfy customers and will now require written consent forms prior to tattooing.

What do you think? Did the girl ask for that many stars and flipped her story upon discovering her father and boyfriend’s anger? Or did Toumaniantz go bananas and tattoo the hell out of this girl’s face?

UPDATE: Apparently the girl’s story was a bunch of crap — she fabricated the story after her father disapproved. Thanks for keeping me updated, StuffUnemployedPeopleLike.com.

[Please note that images are courtesy of the UK’s Daily Mail. Please click the Daily Mail link for the full story and more pictures.]

Written by icantfindajob

June 19, 2009 at 10:48 am

Posted in Random

Washington Passing Cigarette Legislation As Thousands Are Unemployed

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cigaretteDuring a time when America’s finances are in a state of shambles and people can’t find jobs, Washington is hard at work at the most pressing issue facing America – cigarette legislation. (Please note the sarcasm.) The chain smoker-in chief announced on Friday, “For over a decade, leaders of both parties have fought to prevent tobacco companies from marketing their products to children and provide the public with the information they need to understand what a dangerous habit this is.”

According to Yahoo! News this new legislation will make cigarette packages have warning labels that cover 50% of the front and rear packaging with the word “WARNING” in capital letters. Furthermore, the legislation includes other, newly created restrictions. Tobacco-sponsored sports and events will be banned. Retail point-of-sale advertising for tobacco products will disappear except in adult-only facilities. Lastly, smokers will no longer be able to buy flavored cigarettes and light or mild cigarettes will no longer be found on store shelves (they supposedly give the impression that they are a healthy cigarette when labeled “light”).

Lawmakers believe this legislation will drastically reduce the amount of smokers, particularly young smokers, throughout America. Little old me on the other hand predicts that this will surely fail and eventually be overturned by tobacco lobbyists once proven ineffective.

Does anybody think smoking is good for you? NO! People that smoke make the conscious choice to smoke and no matter how addictive it is, have the will power to quit. This will not reduce teen smoking because teens aren’t influenced by the “Marlboro” sign at the local 7-11. They smoke because they think it makes them cool and grown up. They smoke to spite mainstream society and “break the rules.” They smoke to reject what their parents have told them not to do. They smoke because their favorite celebrities smoke or A-list actresses just looked so damn cool in the latest Hollywood movie puffing on a cigarette. Granted not every kid smokes but the ones that do didn’t pick up their habit because they thought cigarettes were a healthful choice and that “Newport Lights” sign finally got them everyday as they bought a Coke from their local convenience store.

What do you think?

Written by icantfindajob

June 13, 2009 at 5:41 pm

Posted in News, Opinion

Joan Rivers Needs More Surgery

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joanriversAccording to Sotheby’s International Realty, Joan Rivers is selling her New York City pad. The penthouse, which is just steps from Central Park, boasts 5, 190 square feet, including 11 rooms, 3 bedrooms, 4 full baths, and 1 half-bath. The suite is featured in a limestone mansion on the East Side of Manhattan

The mansion itself was built in 1903 and the penthouse has reception rooms, a two-story gallery, a light-flooded living room, a library, a dining room, and 23’ high ceilings throughout.

The price for this pad? A cool $25 million. Ms. Rivers hopes to find a buyer soon because face lifts are damn expensive these days.

Written by icantfindajob

June 4, 2009 at 7:48 am

Posted in Random

Another Reason Not To Become A Sam’s Club Member

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cabrera_houseRyan Cabrera, famous for once being the boy-toy of Ashlee Simpson, is clearly in desperate need of money.

First, he has teamed up with Sam’s Club and is selling personal concerts through their online store.

Gallon of ketchup – check.
8 dozen eggs – check.
Personal concert by Ryan Cabrera – check.

I mean, really? Plus, can you guess how much your little experience will set you back? $25,000 freakin’ bones!

So besides prostituting himself out through Sam’s Club, Cabrera is also selling his Hollywood Hills home for a cool asking price of $1,485,000, according to Realtors.com.

Tough times for us all. I wonder if I can sell myself through Costco…hmmm.

Written by icantfindajob

June 4, 2009 at 7:26 am

Posted in Random