Since I graduated, I seem to have plethora of free time on my hands. I often have time to go to Blockbuster in the middle of the day and be “that weird guy” that well, goes into Blockbuster in the middle of a workday! Seeking to put my free energies into a more positive channel, I decided that I want to start exercising again.
When I was in school, I had little to no free time. Between the commute to school, my hectic schedule, working part-time, and the exorbitant amount of work I had to do outside of class, I was never able to fit the gym in. Plus, for those on a budget, the gym is pretty expensive if you want to go to one where you won’t leave with ringworm.
One day I decided that I was going to invest in a piece of exercise equipment. I went to the Home Shopping Channel’s website to see what they had to offer in the way of ellipticals. I actually like HSN as it’s the only place I buy vitamins from (don’t ask). Besides my fondness for a channel where every product is “simply amazing” and “can’t live without,” I looked towards HSN for another reason – flex pay. See, I bought a $579 elliptical, used a $100 coupon making it $479, had free shipping, and can pay this bad boy off in 5 easy payments. Each monthly payment is the amount of a nice gym’s membership fees and after the 5 months, the payments stop. Perfect for a guy that CAN’T FIND A JOB!
The other day I get a call from the freight shipping company informing me they are at the front door of my apartment building. The guy generously lugs in the heavy, over-sized box and I tip him $10 because he seems to have a worse job than me. As I unpack piece after piece of Chinese-made exercise equipment, I realize the other’s online reviews would soon come to fruition – this is going to be a nightmare to assemble.
When all pieces are unpacked, I gather my tools, open the hardware packaging, say a short prayer to Obama-messiah, and begin the assembly process. After 30 minutes, it looks like a scrap yard exploded in my living room. Some 6 hours later, I’m still trying to put this damn thing together while deciding whether or not I should just give in, let the machine win, and drag it out to the dumpster, calling it a match. I decide to start fresh another day with some reinforcements to boot.
The next evening, family comes over and helps me assemble this demonic piece of exercise equipment. After briefly struggling with the machine from hell, it’s finally assembled and ready to be used.
The Unemployed – 1 Elliptical – 0