I Can’t Find A Job

Overeducated, under experienced, and unemployed

The First Interview

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After scouring the Internet for what seemed like endless hours each day, sending out a few painstaking e-mails, and typing my phone number, name, and education into an endless amount of online application templates, I got a response! I applied to a job via e-mail late one night and much to my surprise, received a call from “Sandy” indicating that she’d like to schedule me for an interview. A combination of fear, anxiety, nervousness, happiness, and excitement rushed through my body as I booked my first official job interview for a potential post-college job. 835607_635574371-24

Waking up the morning of the interview, I made sure my suit was ready to go and my shirt was pressed as I rehearsed potential interview questions. I left the house a half hour early to make sure I would have enough time to find parking, collect myself, and walk in calmly. The building was an old-green building that looked like a two-family house that was split into two offices. As I stepped up the crickety steps with peeling paint, I searched for the company’s shingle that I had the interview with. Success! I was in the right place and about to enter into my first REAL job interview.

I walked up a flight of steps and upon reaching the top, was grateful that I didn’t fall through the old, noisy, and probably rotted-out steps with stained carpet covering their age. Expecting to see the secretary’s desk as the first welcome into the company’s office, I’m surprised to find what looks like the actual person I’m interviewing with sitting back in his chair with his feet on the desk, talking on the phone. Attempting to get his attention, I rather loudly knock on the door and clearly startle him. He’s wearing jeans and a jean button-up shirt and looks disheveled. Great – I’m wearing a full suit. Strike one. I feel like I just walked into McDonald’s to apply for a job wearing a tuxedo flush with top hat, cane, and spectacle. Already feeling awkward and out of place, he sends me to the back of the office to meet the lady I spoke with over the phone who is frantically trying to clean up the remnants of her child’s lunch from what would be the interview table. I make polite small talk with the frantic secretary as she apologizes for “it being such a mess.” Strike two.

After waiting for 5 minutes, the owner of the company and person I’m interviewing with comes near and seats me. There is some other lady in the same overly cramped room we’re in that’s working on a computer and doesn’t once flinch, turn around, or introduce herself for majority of the interview. The owner looks at my resume and makes sounds that indicate amusement as he reads the text from the paper aloud. He assures me he read my resume before the interview. Yeah, right. He then began asking me all the standard interview fare.

“So, tell me about yourself.”
“Well, I’m really into smoking crack and pirating DVDs I rent from Blockbuster.”

“What words would other people use to describe you?”
“Lazy, dishonest, vulgar, and alcoholic.”

“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”
“Federal pen…doing hard time. Probably leader of a prison gang, too.”

Kidding! I gave the standard politically correct, boring answers to ridiculous questions. After being satisfied with the amount of useless information he collected from the ridiculously lame interview questions he asked, he starts rambling about something and I give the polite pseudo-interested head nods and comments to make it seem like I actually give a damn about what he’s saying.

He then starts talking in a tense that assumes I already have the job all while slowly revealing more details.


Nights/weekends/weekend nights.

As-needed basis.

Use your own car.


Strike three.

Next. I go through the polite motions of filling out an application and leave under the auspice that “we’ll be in touch” but I know damn well I’ll never be stepping foot into this place again. Half-dazed, I walk back to my car and curse under my breath at the ridiculous job offer I just received. Let’s see…I just got my um, MASTER’S DEGREE, finished at the top of my class, and you have the nerve to offer me such a shitty job? I’m all for paying dues and completely understand the notion behind it, but this job was so off the charts bad it’s laughable. The whole idea behind getting an education and finding a job is to make progress and not regress! I make more than that at my current part-time job, have a set schedule, and get pretty good health-benefits to boot!

Back to Monster…


Written by icantfindajob

February 9, 2009 at 2:08 pm

Posted in Interviews

One Response

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  1. One time I intereviewed for an ‘executive assistant’ (haha)position at a fast food regional hq place and the interviewer told me that they were going through 5 rounds of interviews for the position–what kind of shit is that? 5 rounds to be a secretary, my ass! Then all the asked me was ‘so, tell me about yourself.” me: blah, blah, blah. Him: what else? me: blah blah blah. Him: what else? This was literally the whole 40 minute interview–WTF!?! He then proceeded into the illegal territory as started asking me what my husband did and how long he had been at his job. I almost reported him to the corporate hq.


    August 27, 2010 at 4:27 pm

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